One liners

[o R 0 G U E o]

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.


I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up. She turned out to be an undercover detective.
How cool is that at her age?!


I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?


When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.
Took her out with one punch.


I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding
behind a gravestone. I said "morning." He replied, "No, just having a
sh*t."


I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?

[Maxx Reloaded]

lovely...liked those, big smile here

[MR B]

Q. “I hear Murphy died, ” said Pat. “Was he ill long?”
A. “No,” said Mick. “He died in the best of health.”


Q. “O’Ryan,” asked the druggist, “did that mudpack I gave you improve your wife Bridget’s appearance?”
A. “It did surely,” replied O’Ryan, “but it keeps fallin’ off!”

;D ;D

[MR B]

Murphy lay in hospital covered in bandages head to foot – with just two little slits for his eyes. ‘What happened to you?’ asked seamus. ‘I staggered out of the pub and a lorry hit me a glancing blow and knocked me through a plate glass window.’ ‘Begod,’ said seamus. ‘It’s a good job you were wearing those bandages or you’d have been cut to ribbons!’

why are irish jokes so simple
so the english can understand them ;D